May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
