I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
