He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
