Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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