Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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