why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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