She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Life is so much better after having sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
