I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
