idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
