Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
