I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
