i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
