I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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