In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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