I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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