I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
