i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize