I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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