dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
