why didn't you poke me back
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
