I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
