how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
