My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
