After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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