So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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