On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
