Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
