Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
