he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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