i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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