That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
