Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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