i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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