i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
