What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
