My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
