Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am available for nakedness
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
