Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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