i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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