So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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