he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
