I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
