This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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