Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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