just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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