When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
