So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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