Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize