Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
