HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
