One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
