You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
