I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
