When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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