at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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