Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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