somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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