she looked like the before picture.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
