Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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