I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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