ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
