i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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