how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
