How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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