Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
