I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
