I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
