I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize