Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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