toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
tell your sister to shave her snatch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
