I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
