Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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